Say it loud, say it proud.

I know we started off as friends, but I am your lady now. I want to be treated accordingly. I want to be respected for the person I am in your life. Throughout! Not just when it suits you.

I want to be celebrated, boasted about. I am unique in my own way, something to be truly proud of. And, I want my man to do just that, be proud to be with me. Without words but rather with his actions.

I want a man not a boy still trying to play it cool amongst his friends. Rather a man willing to stand by my side, and loudly able to proclaim he is mine and I, his.

We are grown now, there is no more time for childish ways. It is now that we seek out our lifetime partners, potential fathers/mothers to our children and our Rock. Gone are the days of playing hop scotch with people's emotions.

If you're in, be in the whole way, not with one foot out the door. Either come in or shut the door on your way out.

26 September 2014

Never out of habit

When I say I love you, I don't say it out of habit, I say it to remind you that you're the best thing to have ever happened to me.

Over Thinking

"I over think things, I do.
But the world needs over thinkers.

We push the periphery of reality with our endless questioning of existence and our pine to understand; to express.

Over thinking fuels my art.
It is because of it that I have the audacity of hope."

The place that once was but is no longer

Still alive but barely breathing.

Wide awake while others have no trouble sleeping.

Crying my eyes out for days upon days,

still trying to make sense of what little remains.

Did I see them, did I not?

All I know is that, I heard every shot!

Whether at night, during the day or my deepest thoughts, running away.

My heart races, tummy constrains as panic commences

at the mere thought of flashing lights and thundering beams.

On my knees, I pray to Thy,

a God, I doubtfully believe in.

Questioning, whether this was real or just an ordeal?

All chocked up, wondering, if this was meant to be, 

because all my pleas he did not see.

Such a heavy barden placed upon me.
As the house I once called home,
the four walls that I took refuge in,
the purple curtained windows that once shune in light,
the place that once was but is no longer.

Now, just a place
brutally barged upon
left dented,
stained by death,
Stamped upon by grieving nomates
and violated by protesters.

Home
Now just a place,
I would rather not be...
As she moved on, while I'm still griefing, as no pleading words could stop her bleeding.

Jasmyn Street Khomasdal

Something was just off that morning. I couldn't put my finger on it. I could feel it deep down. Home was just not where I wanted to be. I suggested we all go, go visit someone, just get away for awhile, but she decided to stay. Thinking nothing of it, I let her, only cause I really wanted to go.

On the way back, his car was parked outside. I didn't want to go, but my mother insisted. We could hear her shouting at him. As we walked in, we found him locked out, trying to get in. When he saw us, he casually greeted and walked off. Thinking nothing of it, I locked the burglar bar behind me as I entered, placing the key an arms length away from the door. To our surprise, he returned mere minutes later, but this time with a gun, pointed straight at my mother. Demanding that she open up or he will shoot!

Without a thought, I ran to my window and screamed out for help into the streets. Only to find him on the other side pointing the gun straight at me. A pulled the curtain closed and ran to my mother, yelling at her to get away from the door, while he was on the other side of the house. As we huddled up in the passage, a gun shoot went off then five terrifying kicks against the glass door. It was my idea to run to the room, lock ourselves in, for when he breaks through. A another shot was fired in our direction, then another. It was so loud. But from where? The seem to becoming from everywhere! I was mere inches away from her when her loud cry went silent as she fell to the floor. He shot her! He shot through an open window. He shot her in the head!

As we pulled her closure, another went off in our direction. Then he said something, I can't quite recall, then another went off. Where was he? The slightest movement on our part triggered another shot, so helplessly we set there, to scared to even breath to loud. Waiting, just waiting for a reaction on his part or some sort of help because she was bleeding excessively onto the floor. It felt like hours as no one came in a hurry.

I couldn't wait no more, against my mothers wishes I got up, to see if I could see him, to at least know where he was. Only to find him seated, dead, on the back stoop. He had shot himself.

In timely fashion, the police and paramedics finally arrived, wanting to attend to him first while my sister laid on the floor fighting for her life. I wouldn't have it! The rage and anger I felt as I opened the front door to let them inside, only to find the whole location, every neighbour within miles, gathered outside our house as spectators.

Yet... no one, NO ONE, no one seemed to have heard our cries or attempted to help.
NO ONE!

Hurriedly Written

As I sit and invigilate my last Art exam for the year, I find myself paging through, that which was once my daily planner but became more of a personal journal. Wherein, a  roller coaster of emotions, venting sessions, quotes, lyrics, to-do-lists, travelling plans, ideas and doodles all seem to sum up my entire year. Reading through every single page, dating back to February, which coincidentally happens to be my last blog post, made me realize just how much has happened this year. Through all the scribbling and non-referenced pieces, I find myself reliving each moment vividly. And as the year draws to a close, I wish to share, in no specif order, my scribbles...  reminiscing, one post at a time.

Lucky in Love

They say it only takes 21 days to make a change...

(If you are not familiar with the “21 Day Theory” it goes a little something like this: ‘repeat a behavior for 21 days and it will become so ingrained that it becomes habit’. This rule applies to making new habits as well as breaking old or bad ones.)

Well, it has been 47 days since our last encounter- the New Year's kiss that never happened- and exactly 26 more days than the required time to break a habit, or in my case, getting over my lack of luck in Love.

In the beginning, all wasn't well at all. The first few days or to be exact, the whole entire month of January wasn't an easy one. At first i kept telling myself that it only takes 21 days, that after that all will be well and that I'll be over the whole New Year's Eve thing, and that I'll be over 'Him' in no time and hopefully I'll be in a much happier space, not constantly over thinking and dueling on should have, could have and would haves...

But..

Guess what?! 

My luck changed. 

It changed for the better.

Having held my fingers tightly crossed in the hope of finding my true loves kiss, wasn't easy but it finally paid off. I got my well awaited, eagerly anticipated New Year's Kiss. Although 45 days overdue, it was worth the wait. It was everything I had envisioned it to be

..."meaningful,whole heartily, for all the right reasons, kind of kiss. The kind that takes your breath away, has your back hair standing, the kind of kiss that personally sends shock waves straight to my eyebrows - leaving its hairline in a complete clutter..." 

And, whats more is, it was from "Him"; the guy from New Year's Eve, (the asshole) the one i really like, the one I've always liked and probably always will like. Who would have thought that when I said "I won't be kissing any random guy just for the sake of folklore," that my first actual kiss for this year, would be from the guy I initially wanted to kiss on New Year's Eve.

And yes, it was with the one I truly like, the one I whole heartily have feelings for, with no doubt whatsoever. The timing was just right, it was perfect! 

It was indeed the perfect fairy tale opening to a great love story, 

MINE. 

xoxo